Archive for the ‘Narcissistic News’ Category

From the darkness! It emerges

Sunday, May 31st, 2009

Well I’ve been at it since I got back in from work on friday, stopping only for tea, cider, about 4 hours sleep, more tea and occasional forays into the wilderness. My eyes are red, my hermitage cell is in an extreme state of disarray… but it’s done.   First Draft of my play “Jenga”   The title is a temporary one, because I have an irrational aversion to one-word titles. Also considering “Tyrants Tower” and “Foodchain Store”   It’s the strange comic tale of Alan & Bobbert, two men who wake up inside a collapsed/collapsing office building, with little memory of what happened… only to discover that things get even weirder than that. The dead aren’t dying, the Production Department has started a Soviet Republic on the third floor, human resources turn out to be robots and Catering Department have turned to cannibalism… but this isn’t everything. Something is wrong, the building is… changing… and our unlikely heroes must unravel the mystery of the tower before everything comes undone…   IT’S GREAT. And I may just post some samples of it when I get a spare minute.   But first. I need to collapse in a corner somewhere

Cold Turkey - the reviews so far

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

Well the book is out, and people (god help them) have actually read it, so in the spirit of actually remembering to update my blog once in a blue moon, I thought I would post a few reviews.

 

Firstly, one from Australia’s Guerilla Capitalist and Anarchist rebel Royce Christian, kindly posted on his blog

 

t was Thursday.

Detective Cold Turkey knew this because he had read it in his horoscope yesterday.  Say what you like about astrologers but they know what the day is.  They even know what the day is going to be, which was more than Cold Turkey could usually say for himself.

He felt hung over.  His body felt like it had lost an arms race with a major superpower.  This was far from ideal but at least it went some way to explaining the terrible pain in his head.  Heck, it was even a partial explanation for the rope and the blindfold.

There was still, however, one mystery that had not, as yet, become clear.

Even as the thin mists of consciousness enveloped his feeble mind and started to kick-start reality, Cold Turkey knew it was going to be a bad day.  He knew this not because of his horoscope but because he was hanging upside down, some distance from the floor, in ever increasing agony.

Good days do not start like this.

Admittedly Cold Turkey had been having a ‘bad lifespan’ but this really took the biscuit.

This was almost as bad as the Unfortunate Misunderstanding with the Broccoli, except that there were fewer victims this time and he was immobilised with rope rather than used copies of Gardeners World. It was altogether too much for a Thursday Morning.  He couldn’t even remember where he left Wednesday evening, let alone anything important like: where is the aspirin? And, what didn’t I do last night?

Cold’s stomach started suggesting that it might be about to take matters into his own hands and begin examining the evidence from the previous evening.

Things clearly couldn’t go on like this, so Cold decided on a firm course of action.  He struggled lamely against his bindings and went “mmpmmh”.

It was at this point in the proceedings that Cold Turkey heard something interesting and enlightening.

Cold Turkey could list many noises he didn’t like to hear whilst hung over. “Ah, he is awake, let’s teach him a lesson he won’t forget in a hurry” wasn’t one of them, but he was none the happier to hear it anyway.

He left the familiar and unhappy torture of his hangover and entered the slightly less familiar world of searing pain.

And to think this had all started only last Friday.

Cold knew it had been a Friday because he had read it in his horoscope.

And so begins he tale of Cold Turkey and the Case of the Missing Crime by Samuel Morris, a comical, surreal and  seemingly absurdist tale set in none other than the English city of Stoke-on-Trent, and focusing on the misadventures of the former superhero turned private detective, Cold Turkey as he fights to save the city from the evil Captain Rightwing.

The novel itself is something akin to what you would expect of a comic book’s debauched liaison with a DvD containing a season of the Mighty Boosh; a series of non sequiters, private in-jokes and witty observations folded neatly around a bizarre story-line of lycra wearing super-heroes, some bad, some good, most useless.

As you probably have guessed, the novel itself is described by its author as ‘anarchistic’ who, as legend has it, is himself an Anarchist of some description.  Although the novel is far from a didactic piece, but there are moments of clarity where the reader is slapped in the face with a mildly camouflaged anti-state moral, often amidst moments of chaos or calamity to illustrate the point.

Whether it’s a description of the banking system as one that is easier to break into the cavernous halls of the vault than it is to break out, or the mere image of a‘regiment of freelance superheros’ atop a police van (with the police logo ‘Lice’ formerly written upon the side) converted into a boat for the purpose of beginning the battle against against the evil-doers to cries of “Up the revolution!” and “Bacon sarnies for the people!” –there are many reason to read Cold Turkey.

Samuel Morris, truly has his own unique style.  It’s his witty turn of phrase that makes the book a great read, and if you have a quirky, off-beat sense of humour,Cold Turkey will certainly appeal.

Now we come to the shameless plug, where I urge you to buy the novel and support Samuel is his David-and-Goliath struggle against some equally shameless publishing giants who have refused to publish the book.

So, Samuel has decided to publish independently.

Cold Turkey may be purchased through Amazon, directly through the publisherMelrose Books, or through any small bookshop with the ISBN;

ISBN-10: 1906561303
ISBN-13: 978-1906561307

Help keep Samuel Morris in a healthy supply of biscuits so that he may continue writing.

 

And nextly, The Amazon Reviews, at least one of whom doesn’t appear to be from somebody I know

 

 

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Rankine meets Spillane meets Marvel in Stoke,26 Mar 2009
By  Mike Capay “Chen Tui” (Cambridgeshire, UK) - See all my reviews

The more I read of this the more I enjoyed until I found I couldn’t put it down. This author has his own style and, whilst influences can be detected, the style is unque and very enjoyable. It’s light-hearted and concerns an unlikely hero, a useless private detective named ‘Cold Turkey’, who assisted by Big Fat Martin, unwittingly fights to save Stoke from domination by the treacherous Mr. Rightwing (of the Union of Crimefighting Super Heroes) after Cold determines to find out how £10 was stolen from his bank account. There are some delightfully bizarre characters, especially India, the Hippy Assassin who has some rather surprising tools of his trade. And you’ll find the explanation of how Bank Accounts and Cash Machines work both very odd, plausible and hilarious. My one criticism is that the author’s photo is on the inside rear of the dustjacket and if, like me, you use this as a book mark, you may be disturbed by the way his eyes peer out at you as if his strange powers are helping him watch you reading…

 

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars STOKE:ON TRENT COMES ALIVE, 8 April 2009
By  HS “GM” (SCOTLAND) - See all my reviews

An extremely funny book if you enjoy off beat humour. Deserves 5 stars but I gave it four as it needs editing. A good editor could turn this into a bestseller and it would make a hoot of a film. Most I’ve enjoyed a novel this year and I read a lot. More please.

5.0 out of 5 stars Hapless Hero Detective Saves the Day!, 12 April 2009
By  Ms. V. S. Leith “purple_bus” (London) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

I absolutely LOVED this book! What makes a Hero super? What indeed. Very sad to have consumed already- Write another one! If you like hopeless situations, sibling rivalry, conspiracy theories with talking heads Vs vigilantes and curious explanations to the inner workings of a cash machine.. You should really have read this book by now. You’ll never pass a gnome so carefree again! 

 

There you have it folks!

If you’ve not gone out and got yourself one of these rare first editions! now is the time to think about it

My book is out now

Thursday, March 5th, 2009

The day is finally here folks,

My book is officially out in the real world!

Cold Turkey and the Case of the Missing Crime is available through Melrose Books, or Amazon or… anywhere if you nag them enough

 

http://www.melrosebooks.com/bookDetails.php?id=234

Photo compliments of my mother :)

Self Publishing = Self Defence

Tuesday, June 10th, 2008

After being rejected by almost every living publisher, and even some of the dead ones, I’ve finally taken the decision to publish my book “Cold Turkey and the Case of the Missing Crime” with Melrose Books, a Commissioned Publisher.

 

Naturally, I was dubious at first. There is one warning that you receive as a new writer, one warning they repeat, again and again and again.

never go with a publisher who expects you to pay your own printing costs. The reasons they give are many, explaining in great detail how all these people want is your money…

 

It’s almost convincing, almost makes you think that the big publishers are after something other than a share of the cash from your work, that in fact the nice folks in the big publishing houses (which you soon realise are all owned by the same very few companies) really care nothing but for high quality literature.

 

almost convincing.

 

The argument-between-the-lines that they present against the various forms of independent publishing is: You need us to tell you whether your work is good or not. That is our right. We are the institution which gets to decide what is and is not good writing. Those “other” companies will let you publish anything, just because you wrote it and want to publish it!

How dare we even think that we could be allowed to see our work in print, without having a market-driven advertising executive deem that it is “real” writing.

 

In case you haven’t guessed, I’ve become less convinced of the Big Publishing industry’s position.

They cry that you might lose your money… which is ultimately an indicator of the flaw in their argument. They think writing and publishing is all about money, they are salesmen, not literate.

 

Don’t believe me?

 

Then check out:

 

Exhibit A

and

Exhibit B

If we were going to use financial success as the critical standard we would need to discount a thousand works of art and literature as “worthless”.

 

But that isn’t why we write.

 

Sure, no one is going to top the bible on the best-seller lists with an independently published book, but that was never the point. Only publishers see books as a “get rich quick scheme”.

 

I think it’s time more writers took the first bold steps into this area, and put down the prohibitive warnings, laid out by those who wish to hold an artistic industry in the iron grasp of crass consumerism.

The writing industry doesn’t belong to them, it belongs to us. We are the labourers.

It is us that reaps the field of words, and sifts the verbiage to produce the crop of pages.

 

They are the greasy salesmen and the spotty check-out clerks, who scan and package our material.

 

We need to remember that, I think