The Uranium Tipped Pen

First they came for the smokers,

And I did not speak out

Because I don’t smoke

Then they came for the fatties

And I did not speak out,

Because I’m Size 6 darling

Then they came for the winos

And I did not speak out,

Because I was embarrassed about my all the vodka bottles in our recycling box…

Then they came for the druggies

And I did not speak out,

Because I only smoked it that one time at uni and didn’t inhale…

Then they came for me…

And I said “fuck it”

Because there was nobody interesting left to speak out to anyway

———–

I do at times feel genuine regret for my zealous support of the UK smoking ban. Oh yes we all knew it was a bit authoritarian, but we didn’t mind, because smokers are annoying.

The only complaint I voiced was that we couldn’t force other people that annoy me to stand outside the bar as well.

But I fear we have started something that is rolling beyond our control. seen Jamie’s Ministry of Food on T.V?

Well in the same way that Ingsoc’s Ministry of Love tortured people, Ministry of Truth rewrote history, Ministry of Peace fought wars and the Ministry of Plenty dealt with tight ration controls, Jamie’s ministry of food seems to be primarily concerned with telling us not to eat things.

We beat up the smokers, and we all thought that would be the end of it. But the  beast has not been sated, it has only grown stronger and more confident. Now they have turned their eyes on food, and grumbling discontentedly about the “alcohol problem” in Britain.

How long before they make people ordering chips in a restaurant stand outside in the cold and rain to protect the rest of us from passive-eating?

Our society is becoming santised, and it isn’t a good thing. For robots or lab-specimins maybe, but not for humans.

The arguments they field are typically NHS based, “well we have to pay for their healthcare so it isn’t fair that they have unhealthy lifestyles”.

It takes a very dangerous and unpleasant mind to think that way. The point of universal healthcare is not to gain control over people’s lifestyles, though it appears to be becoming the logical conclusion.

The point is to stop health being a designer product for the rich and powerful.

These are the sorts of people that will help you “for your own good” and snarl with self-righteous indignation if you should resist their unwelcome advances.

They’ll hide behind the mask of charity and do-gooding, but ultimately all they want is control. They want their own perfect little society, with everything in its designated place (designated by them, according to their plan) and they will never leave you be. Because even though your lifestyle is none of their business, you’re making their perfect world messy, and they cannot abide untidiness.

I think (and a lot of smokers that have crossed me in debate in the past are going to feel very smug for hearing this) that I was in the wrong about the smoking ban. I think cancer of the lungs is trivial ailment, compared to cancer of the Nation.

I think it’s time that we started saying No To Utopia.

As people are probably sick of hearing, the US is opening the doors for a 700 billion dollar fund of corporate welfare, to reward bankers for fucking the world economy.

Frustrating, yes

Scary, yes

But one still can’t help but feeling a little smug. Since this essentially constitutes socialism (welfare, benefits, the collective protecting itself) bailing out capitalism.

Maybe they’ll be less quick to espouse the virtues of US capitalism, now that it has fallen at the feet of it’s rival ideology for mercy…

Well one can but hope.

We all know that a capitalist isn’t <i>really</i> opposed to taxes and welfare, so long as it is being used to feed and clothe the rich, who have worked so hard for this hand-out.

Why, all over Wall Street rich men are singing the praises of pulling together, and helping out our fellow man.

It surely won’t be long till we see Oxfam appeals, live from the stock exchange, showing poor starved executives, who must walk 700 yards to the nearest bus-stop, and don’t even have a trophy-wife to their name anymore, and just a few million pounds a month could end these woes.

“give a man loan and he’ll be rich for a day. Give him control of the national banking infrastructure with an almost bottomless bail-out fund, and he’ll be rich for the rest of his life”

Cut  to scene of laughing fat men.

In other news, unemployment is rising, with no notable increase in money set aside for the dole

It’s finally happened folks.
We’re on the retreat, dragging our strap-on dildos and gimp masks behind us,
applying the lubricant to our feet for a quick get-away,
We never thought it could happen, but we’re finally learning how uncomfortable it is to try and run away from an angry mob wearing a full body leather skin-suit.

The counter-insurgency has driven back the tides of the sexual revolution, and we’re fleeing, fleeing like cowards with our dicks between our legs.

How did it happen?

Well, it died the same way every revolution died, we got complacent folks.
When the prudes started saying “oh well I’m not a prude but…” we remained silent.
When pro-virginity movements (with evengelicals pulling the strings) swept across Europe, and received widespread media coverage… we remained silent.
When people said “I don’t want my children growing up too fast” we submitted quietly and said, “well I suppose… if its the children“.

For all our pretensions towards sexual openness, we remain a nation of uptight repressed sexual lunatics, and I use the word lunatic in full accuracey, because a repressed nation is a factory for sexual deviants.
Not to mention the alarming rise in teenaged pregnancies…

I have news for you folks, it wasn’t the media, or rap music, or the lack of prayer in schools, that made little Daisy go out and get knocked up. It’s the result of trying to hide sex, from people whose bodies have reached sexual maturity.

Oh boo-hoo, you didn’t want them to grow up too fast?
Maybe we should start castrating them and feeding them growth reduction hormones too? Then we can carry on dressing them up in cute little outfits and playing with them like toys.

A Child is a transitory state, it is the process of transforming from a creature with the awareness intelligence and motor skills of a pot-plant into a complete human being, to try and arrest that growth, because we’re squeamish about sex, is no different to not feeding them, or lying to them about the world.

Childhood is the process of becoming an adult. To say that “adult things” are not for children to learn about is a form of abuse. In this case, a form of sexual abuse. And the result is we rear generation after generation of people that hide in the shells of adult-bodies, but are sexual children, with no idea how to carry out safe and healthy sexual relationships, that are a staple of basic human existence.

Everywhere we go, we see that “respectable” outfits, in society will have nothing to do with sex, or else use exhaustive and repressive means to hide and censor any “inappropriate” content from those martyrs to our bizarre neurosis, children.

Take youtube, I mean Jeez! just try finding some decent porn on that website!
or in your local library or bookshop, or on normal tv.

Something needs to be done.
A true sexual revolution would see a reduction in teen pregnancy, sexual offenders, paedophilia and what’s more, might lead to a nation of happy, relaxed people.

Have you seen the soaring sales in anti-depressants lately?
Of course, this might mean people cared more about living happy normal lives, and work less hard in their offices and factories, and this could be a disaster!

So we can never rely on governments and schools (whose job it is to churn out good little cogs for the social machine) to implement these changes.

We need to start the revolution from scratch.

Firstly, things like mainstream media outlets refusing to show “adult” content (Human content, really).
Why do they do it?
Despite the vast bulk of media created probably being porn (we’ve all been on the internet long enough to know this)
Despite the fact that porn is the main thing people seem to be interested in seeing (ask google - cumshots are bigger than Jesus)
Despite the fact that it is a massively lucrative industry.

They won’t touch it with a barge pole. Even though, they surely want to touch it…

They fear the backlash, they fear being associated with “Smut”, they don’t want to risk turning people on.

Well there is a simple way to fight this.
We’ll all just have to start getting aroused by mundane content, so they have no choice.
It won’t be easy. We’ll need to go into bookstores and start jacking off to the harry potter section, we’ll need to post on youtube, saying how hot that water-skiing squirrel got us, we’ll need to fake orgasms every time any “Respectable” corporation does anything.

It’s the only way.
Once they are marred by the association, they’ll be in a position where it is probably more profitable to just open a Smut section.

Next, sex education. It’s no use trying to reform it.
We came up against the stalwarts of the PTA, and they were mighty.
The headteachers and behavioural scientists all know we need decent education, that failing to teach it properly is as bad as not telling kids not to eat.
But the phalanx of moral crusaders blocks the way.

It’s time for guerilla warfare, we need to start cvreating sex-manuals, covering all conceivable topics, and simply putting them places where young-adults etc can easily get hold of them.

No, it doesn’t make kids have sex earlier than they should.
It has the opposite effect. Look at the countries with liberal sex-ed and open sexuality, compare their pregnancy levels.

We need to stop sanctifying marriage.
It isn’t the state’s job to give approval to one kind of relationship at the expense of another. Monogamy is a great thing, it works for me, but it isn’t the bloody Perfect Model of what works.

finally, we need to counter the effect of generations of Lying To Children.
Of telling people sex is bad, that god will punish us.
Because these things transfer into adulthood.

We need a new, better lie.

If you’re sexually repressed, the Great Stunted Human Development Bear will cum in your mouth…

It’s the only way people